You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
