I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
