Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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