Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
