You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
