i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
