In the future we'll all be gay
id be glad to
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
