and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
