I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
