Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
