Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Randomize
