You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
