i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
we're chasing vodka with high fives
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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