she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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