.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
