just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
