I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
