I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
