I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
