New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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