If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
