It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
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