It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
