I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
