I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
