I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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