I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
