Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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