if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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