Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
