happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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