no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
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