I got her a Nickelback box set.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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