Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
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