Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
