super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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