is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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