he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
