Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
