....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
