Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
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