if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
well most of my day revolves around power hour
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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