I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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