3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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