Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
