Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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