told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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