It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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