so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
