is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
