come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize