I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
