You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
3pm strippers are depressing
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
