im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
